He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
