I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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