STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
