We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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