I think my vagina is haunted
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize