moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Still dying that you shit outside
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
