He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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