Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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