It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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