I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The air taste purple.
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