can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
