he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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