If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
