I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
