I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
