mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
