I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
