Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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