So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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