I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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