on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize