he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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