Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
