I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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