doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
