Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
