some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
