Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
