i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
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She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family