Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
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I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.