Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!