I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities