What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
