it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
