the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
