He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
