Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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