At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
