now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
