How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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