There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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