Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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