oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
