having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
