??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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