im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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