im drinking this country out of the recession.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
