It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
