Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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