You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
