Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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