The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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