I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
