Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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