maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
