I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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