I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
