i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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