Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
