He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
