she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
