jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
God, I missed his penis.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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