i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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