I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
