You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
