that's an acceptable place to lick
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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