you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
