Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize