I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
