Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
