i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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