Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
