I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
