Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
