READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
