is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
