we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
