I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize