it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
